Friday, June 09, 2006

Chuck Norris Tribute

Jack Bauer is cool, but Chuck Norris is truly a badass! Here are twelve things that I've heard about Mr. Norris. Enjoy :)

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

4. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

5. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

6. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

7. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

8. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in France.

9. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

10. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

11. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

12. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard." Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.