Sorry for the Absence

In penance, I present the following:



You're welcome.

A Joke

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said,'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean & empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

" Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

" Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.

“She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with teeth out and still nothing.

“We even called up Arleen, the lady next door & she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees and still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get that damned jar open!”

Happy 232nd Birthday Army!

That's right! The United States Army was founded on 14 June 1775. Anyone who has seen the Army Colors with all of it's battle streamers will be awed. Here are the campaigns fought by the U.S. Army. Sobering, no?

Revolutionary War

LEXINGTON 1775
TICONDEROGA 1775
BOSTON 1775-1776
QUEBEC 1775, 1776
CHARLESTON 1776, 1780
LONG ISLAND 1776
TRENTON 1776
PRINCETON 1777
SARATOGA 1777
BRANDYWINE 1777
GERMANTOWN 1777
MONMOUTH 1778
SAVANNAH 1778, 1779
COWPENS 1781
GUILFORD COURT HOUSE 1781
YORKTOWN 1781

War of 1812

CANADA 1812-1815
CHIPPEWA 1814
LUNDY'S LANE 1814
BLADENSBURG 1814
MCHENRY 1814
NEW Orleans 1814-1815

Mexican War

PALO ALTO 1846
RESACA DE LA PALMA 1846
MONTERY 1846
BUENA VISTA 1847
VERA CRUZ 1847
CERRO GORDO 1847
CONTRERAS 1847
CHURUBUSCO 1847
MOLINA DEL RAY 1847
CHAPULTEPEC 1847

Civil War

SUMTER 1861
BULL RUN 1861 ("FIRST MANASSAS") FOR CONFEDERATE SERVICE)
HENRY & DONELSON 1862
MISSISSIPPI RIVER 1862-1863
PENINSULA 1862
SHILOH 1862
VALLEY 1862
MANASSAS 1862 ("SECOND MANASSAS") FOR CONFEDERATE SERVICE
ANTIETAM 1862 ("SHARPSBURG") FOR CONFEDERATE SERVICE
FREDERICKSBURG 1862
MURFREESBOROUGH 1862-1863
CHANCELLORSVILLE 1863
GETTYSBURG 1863
VICKSBURG 1863
CHICKAMAUGA 1863
CHATTANOOGA 1863
WILDERNESS 1864
ATLANTA 1864
SPOTSYLVANIA 1864
COLD HARBOR 1864
PETERSBURG 1864-1865
SHENANDOAH 1864
FRANKLIN 1864
NASHVILLE 1864
APPOMATTOX 1865

Indian Campaign

MIAMI 1790 - 1795
TIPPECANOE 1811
CREEKS 1813-1814, 1836 - 1837
SEMINOLES 1817-1818, 1835-1842, 1855-1858
BLACK HAWK 1832
COMMANCHES 1867 - 1875
MODOCS 1872 - 1873
APACHES 1873, 1885 - 1886
LITTLE BIG HORN 1876 - 1877
NEZ PERCES 1877
BANNOCKS 1878
CHEYENNES 1878 - 1879
UTES 1879 - 1880
PINE RIDGE 1890 – 1891

Spanish American War

SANTIAGO 1898
PUERTO RICO 1898
MANILA 1898

China Relief Expedition

TIENTSIN 1900
YANG-TSUN 1900
PEKING 1900

Philippine Campaign

MANILA 1899
ILOILO 1899
MALOLOS 1899
LAGUNA DE BAY 1899
SAN ISIDRO 1899
ZAPOTE RIVER 1899
CAVITE 1899-1900
TARLAC 1899
SAN FABIAN 1899
MINDANAO 1902-1905
JOLO 1905, 1906, 1913

Mexican Border Service

MEXICO 1916-1917

World War I

CAMBRAI 1917
SOMME DEFENSIVE 1918
LYS 1918
AISNE 1918
MONTDIDIER-NOYON 1918
CHAMPAGNE-MARNE 1918
AISNE-MARNE 1918
SOMME OFFENSIVE 1918
OISE-AISNE 1918
TPRES-LYS 1918
ST. MIHIEL 1918
MEUSE-ARGONNE 1918
VITTORIA VENETO 1918

American Campaign

ANTISUBMARINE 1941 -1945

Asiatic – Pacific Theater

PHILIPPINE ISLANDS 1941-1942
BURMA 1941-1942
CENTRAL PACIFIC 1941-1943
EAST INDIES 1942
INDIA-BURMA 1942 - 1945
AIR OFFENSIVE, JAPAN 1942 - 1945
ALEUTIAN ISLANDS 1942 - 1943
CHINA DEFENSIVE 1942 - 1945
PAPUA 1942-1943
GUADALCANAL 1942-1943
NEW GUINEA 1943 - 1944
NORTHERN SOLOMONS 1943 - 1944
EASTERN MANDATES 1944
BISMARCK ARCHIPELAGO 1943 - 1944
WESTERN PACIFIC 1944 - 1945
LEYTE 1944 - 1945
LUZON 1944 - 1945
CENTRAL BURMA 1945
SOUTHERN PHILIPPINES 1945
RYUKYUS 1945
CHINA OFFENSIVE 1945

European – African – Middle Eastern Campaign

EGYPT-LIBYA 1942-1943
AIR OFFENSIVE, EUROPE 1942-1944
ALGERIA-FRENCH MOROCCO 1942
TUNISIA 1942-1943
SICILY 1943
NAPLES-FOGGIA 1943-1944
ANZIO 1944
ROME-ARNO 1944
NORMANDY 1944
NORTHERN FRANCE 1944
SOUTHERN FRANCE 1944
NORTH APENNINES 1944-1945
RHINELAND 1944-1945
ARDENNES-ALSACE 1944-1945
CENTRAL EUROPE 1945
PO VALLEY 1945

Korean Service

UN DEFENSIVE 1950
UN OFFENSIVE 1950
CCF INTERVENTION 1950-1951
FIRST UN COUNTEROFFENSIVE 1951
CCF SPRING OFFENSIVE 1951
UN SUMMER-FALL OFFENSIVE 1951
SECOND KOREAN WINTER 1951-1952
KOREA SUMMER-FALL 1952
THIRD KOREAN WINTER 1952-1953
KOREA SUMMER 1953

Vietnam Service

VIETNAM ADVISORY 1962 - 1965
VIETNAM DEFENSE 1965
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE 1965-1966
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE, PHASE II 1966-1967
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE, PHASE III 1967-1968
TET COUNTEROFFENSIVE 1968
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE, PHASE IV 1968
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE, PHASE V 1968
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE, PHASE VI, 1968-1969
TET 69/COUNTEROFFENSIVE, 1969
VIETNAM SUMMER-FALL 1969
VIETNAM WINTER-SPRING 1970
SANCTUARY COUNTEROFFENSIVE 1970
VIETNAM COUNTEROFFENSIVE, PHASE VII, 1970-1971
CONSOLIDATION I 1971
CONSOLIDATION II 1971-1972
VIETNAM CEASE-FIRE 1972-1973

Armed Forces Expeditionary

DOMINICAN REPUBLIC 1965-1966
GRENADA 1983
PANAMA 1989-1990

Southwest Asia Service

DEFENSE OF SAUDI ARABIA 1990-1991
LIBERATION AND DEFENSE OF KUWAIT 1991
SOUTHWEST ASIA CEASE-FIRE 1991-1995

Kosovo Campaign

KOSOVO AIR CAMPAIGN 1999
KOSOVO DEFENSE CAMPAIGN

Afghanistan Campaign

Global War on Terrorism Expeditionary Campaign

Iraq Campaign

A battle streamer is placed with the Army Colors for each campaign. I can't put up pictures at work, but I'll do so this evening.

GO ARMY!

Twenty Years Ago Today

President Reagan stood in the shadow of the Berlin Wall and demanded that the Soviet Bear "...tear down this wall!"

Watch and remember. Remember that there was a time when leadership had a voice. As long as we don't forget, it will come again. Please God, give a leader.

By The Power of Gay-Skull

HA!

This from Cracked Magazine! The relevant exerpt:

CARTOON: He-Man

LESSON: It’s OK to be gay.

Look at this guy: golden locks cut in a tasteful bob, buff biceps, tanned, toned, hairless torso, a magic sword and most importantly, fabulous powers. What’s more, He-Man invites his handsome friends, the Masters of the Universe, to come hang out in his castle anytime. Of course Skeletor and his fugly cohorts are never allowed access to the secrets of He-Man’s dark, dry palace.

Yes, we had He-Man toys, like Ram-Man, Trap-Jaw and even Castle Grayskull. We also had a favorite pair of tighty whiteys that had He-Man on one cheek and Skeletor on the other, battling over our asshole. But did merely owning and wearing that underwear make us gay?

How it affected us as adults: As regards the above question, it’s a very complex matter, but in a word: yes. (For more on depictions of homosexuality in '80s cartoons, please see Care Bears.)

Stuff Worth Repeating #6

A buddy of mine just lost a close foxhole buddy. I sent this along to him.

Abe Lincoln once said in a letter of condolence to a young friend who had just lost her father:

"In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once."

Remembering D-Day

I cannot do the memory of D-Day the same honors that others have bestowed before. I could try, but I would fail.

President Reagan said much and said it well. His speech commemorating the 40th Anniversary of the bravery at Point-Du-Hoc are stirring. It begins:

"We're here to mark that day in history when the Allied armies joined in battle to reclaim this continent to liberty. For four long years, much of Europe had been under a terrible shadow. Free nations had fallen, Jews cried out in the camps, millions cried out for liberation. Europe was enslaved, and the world prayed for its rescue. Here in Normandy the rescue began. Here the Allies stood and fought against tyranny in a giant undertaking unparalleled in human history.

We stand on a lonely, windswept point on the northern shore of France. The air is soft, but 40 years ago at this moment, the air was dense with smoke and the cries of men, and the air was filled with the crack of rifle fire and the roar of cannon. At dawn, on the morning of the 6th of June, 1944, 225 Rangers jumped off the British landing craft and ran to the bottom of these cliffs. Their mission was one of the most difficult and daring of the invasion: to climb these sheer and desolate cliffs and take out the enemy guns. The Allies had been told that some of the mightiest of these guns were here and they would be trained on the beaches to stop the Allied advance.

The Rangers looked up and saw the enemy soldiers--the edge of the cliffs shooting down at them with machine guns and throwing grenades. And the American Rangers began to climb. They shot rope ladders over the face of these cliffs and began to pull themselves up. When one Ranger fell, another would take his place. When one rope was cut, a Ranger would grab another and begin his climb again. They climbed, shot back, and held their footing. Soon, one by one, the Rangers pulled themselves over the top, and in seizing the firm land at the top of these cliffs, they began to seize back the continent of Europe. Two hundred and twenty-five came here. After two days of fighting, only 90 could still bear arms.

Behind me is a memorial that symbolizes the Ranger daggers that were thrust into the top of these cliffs. And before me are the men who put them there.

These are the boys of Pointe du Hoc. These are the men who took the cliffs. These are the champions who helped free a continent. These are the heroes who helped end a war."

Read the rest.

UPDATE: Found some cool video (via MKH)

Horn of Africa

People seem to forget that the GWOT is the GLOBAL War On Terrorism. This includes many places that are truly forgotten. Having spent some time in the armpit known as "Somalia" I can honestly say that we should just bomb the shit out of them. Oh, that's right we are! The icing on the cake is that the non-SOF part of the Navy gets its freak on! Nice.


Video: Warning, it is from the AP, so could be completely contrived.

Squirrely Angst

Okay lurkers, readers, and other assorted "accidental tourists." I'm not feeling the love. People stop in, but they don't say hi. They don't pick up a cold one and hang out on the couch with me. (Though I haven't been posting all that often lately). Nope, lack of love makes me squirrely. So, as punishment, I'm going to inflict upon you: two silly advertisements. Yeah, that'll show you!



Pinch.



More Pinch.

Not Alone

For some time now I have felt an increasing disquiet with the Administration. Unlike many, I'm not upset over the war or its cost. I'm upset because the President hasn't done anything to forward the conservative cause. Nothing. The only feather in the cap was two conservative Supreme Court Justices, and that was the result of conservatives being willing to commit hari kari over Harriet Myers. WTF? Anyway, I have felt pretty alone in this feeling. I haven't reached out to other conservatives or even taken much time to read about this subject... until today. Today I read the lovely Peggy Noonan's piece on this subject. It says in part:

"The White House doesn't need its traditional supporters anymore, because its problems are way beyond being solved by the base. And the people in the administration don't even much like the base. Desperate straits have left them liberated, and they are acting out their disdain." [squirrel emphasis] Leading Democrats often think their base is slightly mad but at least their heart is in the right place. This White House thinks its base is stupid and that its heart is in the wrong place.

For almost three years, arguably longer, conservative Bush supporters have felt like sufferers of battered wife syndrome. You don't like endless gushing spending, the kind that assumes a high and unstoppable affluence will always exist, and the tax receipts will always flow in? Too bad! You don't like expanding governmental authority and power? Too bad. You think the war was wrong or is wrong? Too bad.

But on immigration it has changed from "Too bad" to "You're bad."

The president has taken to suggesting that opponents of his immigration bill are unpatriotic--they "don't want to do what's right for America." His ally Sen. Lindsey Graham has said, "We're gonna tell the bigots to shut up." On Fox last weekend he vowed to "push back." Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff suggested opponents would prefer illegal immigrants be killed; Commerce Secretary Carlos Gutierrez said those who oppose the bill want "mass deportation." Former Bush speechwriter Michael Gerson said those who oppose the bill are "anti-immigrant" and suggested they suffer from "rage" and "national chauvinism."

At least I don't feel crazy. I'm not the only conservative that is ready to tar and feather. No wonder the RNC is freaking out. Not one red penny from the Squirrels, you jerks.

MMGW a Myth

So, global warming may be happening (Lord knows it is hot here in Virginia), but the idea that GW is a MM (man-made) phenomenon has given rise to such stupidity as Carbon Credits and Al (The Goreacle) Gore. Pulease! People must be really, really stupid to fall for the Gore and Moore. Buncha Tools. Anyway, watch this video to counter all the idiocy. If you can watch this and still consider MMGW a possibility, there really isn't any hope for you. I will, however, torment you by countering your carbon credits.

Good Day!